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Inner work..
Sep. 30th, 2008 02:49 amHad a good conversation with myself this evening in the hot tub under the stars. Kind of a way of offering myself constructive feedback after an intense evening of unpacking while arguing with my mom.
We worked it out, but I didn't care for the way I responded to her, and I want to find a way to make it easier to exist around her and to heal our relationship a bit. I'm tired of the patterns around here, but I also participate in them, and I take responsibility for my part in that by finding a way to change my response.
In this vein, I decided this evening to offer myself the gift of a day of silence each week, usually Thursdays, to meditate, write, correspond and go about my usual day without speaking. In this way I can work on several goals at once. My voice gets a rest, which will help to remind me of the power of my voice and to be grateful for the ability to speak and sing. I become more aware of listening, both to the people I interact with, and to the world around me, so full of both noise and music, natural and unnatural. Cultivation of the quality of receptivity.
Perhaps I'll make myself a creative "I'm observing silence" pin or something.
Grounded myself and did some family seva(service) by making a big pot of cream of cauliflower, potato and mushroom soup and cleaning and tidying in the kitchen, always the heart center of this house.
Went out to get some cream for the soup at the Walgreens down the street, and as I was going in to the store, I looked down and noticed a large nightcrawler worm on the sidewalk right in front of the entrance. Thankfully, no one had stepped on him yet, and the people who had just come out of the store stopped as I bent down in front of them, picked up the large worm and carried him over to the dirt across the parking lot. As I walked back to the store, I noticed that one of them had been watching me, and was still standing in front of the store. As I walked up, he looked at me and said: "You've got a kind heart. Bless your heart." I thanked him and wished him a good night, kind of awed that he had waited there to tell me that, and so grateful for an unexpected kindness and blessing.
Later.
-Me.
---------------------------
Again, I'm within my self.
I walked away, but here I come sailing back,
feet in the air, upsidedown,
as a saint when he opens his eyes
from prayer: Now. The room,
the tablecloth, familiar faces.
-Rumi
We worked it out, but I didn't care for the way I responded to her, and I want to find a way to make it easier to exist around her and to heal our relationship a bit. I'm tired of the patterns around here, but I also participate in them, and I take responsibility for my part in that by finding a way to change my response.
In this vein, I decided this evening to offer myself the gift of a day of silence each week, usually Thursdays, to meditate, write, correspond and go about my usual day without speaking. In this way I can work on several goals at once. My voice gets a rest, which will help to remind me of the power of my voice and to be grateful for the ability to speak and sing. I become more aware of listening, both to the people I interact with, and to the world around me, so full of both noise and music, natural and unnatural. Cultivation of the quality of receptivity.
Perhaps I'll make myself a creative "I'm observing silence" pin or something.
Grounded myself and did some family seva(service) by making a big pot of cream of cauliflower, potato and mushroom soup and cleaning and tidying in the kitchen, always the heart center of this house.
Went out to get some cream for the soup at the Walgreens down the street, and as I was going in to the store, I looked down and noticed a large nightcrawler worm on the sidewalk right in front of the entrance. Thankfully, no one had stepped on him yet, and the people who had just come out of the store stopped as I bent down in front of them, picked up the large worm and carried him over to the dirt across the parking lot. As I walked back to the store, I noticed that one of them had been watching me, and was still standing in front of the store. As I walked up, he looked at me and said: "You've got a kind heart. Bless your heart." I thanked him and wished him a good night, kind of awed that he had waited there to tell me that, and so grateful for an unexpected kindness and blessing.
Later.
-Me.
---------------------------
Again, I'm within my self.
I walked away, but here I come sailing back,
feet in the air, upsidedown,
as a saint when he opens his eyes
from prayer: Now. The room,
the tablecloth, familiar faces.
-Rumi
