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Brain squeezings...
Jan. 5th, 2006 01:10 amDecent night at work tonight. Busy when I got in, but it tapered off as the evening wore on, and everyone was in a good mood.. makes it much more pleasant.
No hanging out with Sam tonight, which on the one hand is kind of sad, but on the other hand worked out reasonably well, as I just found out tonight that my mom forgot to mention that we have a date for a show at Hartford Stage on Thursday night. Grr. So much for my evening plans. At the very least I'll get to see a good show and hang out with my sister, as I'm more than a little peeved with my mother at the moment. I'm going to try and avoid any further argument with her, as there's no point.. her issues, not mine, this time... but it's definitely upset me.
Also, the basement at my parent's house flooded a bit, and they've been dealing with getting the rugs to the cleaners' and stuff.. not much was damaged, thankfully, as this has happened a few times before, and there wasn't much on the floor but laundry. It was a good thing my sister happened to go downstairs that afternoon, otherwise it would have just kept flooding, and probably gotten much much worse.
I feel a little like I've been deliberately hibernating in order to get through the difficult patch I've been in for a few months now, and if you have not heard from me, it does not mean that I don't love you, it just means that I've been trying to keep my head down and just get through the days. People who are also night owls and wish to see me during the week are completely welcome to poke at me and see if I'm around.. chilling with friends is so helpful to me right now, and costs no money. My weekends are booked with various things through February, but I'm around after work during the week, mostly.
I'll also take the opportunity to apologise to everyone around me in here, in case they read it, since I've been so up and down lately in searching for some kind of an effective solution to my situation that I've been really difficult to be around. Often stressed and unhappy, often tired or mostly crazy, and it really isn't fair to my friends and loved ones. It's one thing to help someone through a rough patch when there's a clear end in sight, and they get back to being their normal self pretty soon. It's another thing entirely to deal with someone who's constantly depressed and upset and crying and stressed out. Not fun at all, and I know all too well how much that can wear on one's patience.
If it's any help, I'm really losing patience with being within various flavors of upset all the time.. but that doesn't really solve it, either. :P
Much of the problem revolves around having to wait and see how things turn out.. and it's the not knowing quite what to do yet that's driving me nuts. I am trying very hard to go with the flow, take it day by day, living within each moment, and welcome peace in my heart.. I don't always succeed, but the intention is there.
I have been so unbelievably grateful for the shoulders offered, the backrubs and grousing sessions and support. Much more effective than apology on my part would be not allowing myself to get so down in the first place, but until I learn how to channel stresses better, I will at the very least be publicly thankful and appreciative of the gorgeous people who help keep me sane.
Time for me to throw in some laundry, get some more writing done and curl up in bed.
Looking out the window and enjoying the branches covered by snow, and I find that seeing each individual twig highlighted in white is a good reason to go out wandering before the dawn brings the breezes that inevitably jar the snow loose from its perch. Blessings to you in the winter and the snows. May this hibernatory season unlock mysteries within you and provide you with the keys to internal riddles.
Later.
-Me.
No hanging out with Sam tonight, which on the one hand is kind of sad, but on the other hand worked out reasonably well, as I just found out tonight that my mom forgot to mention that we have a date for a show at Hartford Stage on Thursday night. Grr. So much for my evening plans. At the very least I'll get to see a good show and hang out with my sister, as I'm more than a little peeved with my mother at the moment. I'm going to try and avoid any further argument with her, as there's no point.. her issues, not mine, this time... but it's definitely upset me.
Also, the basement at my parent's house flooded a bit, and they've been dealing with getting the rugs to the cleaners' and stuff.. not much was damaged, thankfully, as this has happened a few times before, and there wasn't much on the floor but laundry. It was a good thing my sister happened to go downstairs that afternoon, otherwise it would have just kept flooding, and probably gotten much much worse.
I feel a little like I've been deliberately hibernating in order to get through the difficult patch I've been in for a few months now, and if you have not heard from me, it does not mean that I don't love you, it just means that I've been trying to keep my head down and just get through the days. People who are also night owls and wish to see me during the week are completely welcome to poke at me and see if I'm around.. chilling with friends is so helpful to me right now, and costs no money. My weekends are booked with various things through February, but I'm around after work during the week, mostly.
I'll also take the opportunity to apologise to everyone around me in here, in case they read it, since I've been so up and down lately in searching for some kind of an effective solution to my situation that I've been really difficult to be around. Often stressed and unhappy, often tired or mostly crazy, and it really isn't fair to my friends and loved ones. It's one thing to help someone through a rough patch when there's a clear end in sight, and they get back to being their normal self pretty soon. It's another thing entirely to deal with someone who's constantly depressed and upset and crying and stressed out. Not fun at all, and I know all too well how much that can wear on one's patience.
If it's any help, I'm really losing patience with being within various flavors of upset all the time.. but that doesn't really solve it, either. :P
Much of the problem revolves around having to wait and see how things turn out.. and it's the not knowing quite what to do yet that's driving me nuts. I am trying very hard to go with the flow, take it day by day, living within each moment, and welcome peace in my heart.. I don't always succeed, but the intention is there.
I have been so unbelievably grateful for the shoulders offered, the backrubs and grousing sessions and support. Much more effective than apology on my part would be not allowing myself to get so down in the first place, but until I learn how to channel stresses better, I will at the very least be publicly thankful and appreciative of the gorgeous people who help keep me sane.
Time for me to throw in some laundry, get some more writing done and curl up in bed.
Looking out the window and enjoying the branches covered by snow, and I find that seeing each individual twig highlighted in white is a good reason to go out wandering before the dawn brings the breezes that inevitably jar the snow loose from its perch. Blessings to you in the winter and the snows. May this hibernatory season unlock mysteries within you and provide you with the keys to internal riddles.
Later.
-Me.
